So here we are... 3 weeks after getting our foster care license (yes, we got approved) and I felt like once that happened I would be less stressed about the entire thing.... Ya, that didn't happen.
Now it's like I'm in the third trimester of pregnancy and at any moment my water could break and I could have a child of my very own. Except in my case I don't know the age, gender, where they came from, what their temperament is like, if they are healthy, and so on and so on and so on.
So many questions run through my mind as I play this annoying waiting game, which 3 weeks feels like a century. Everyone around me is just as annoyed and they keep asking when will it happen and maybe you should call or do this or that. But when you think about what it is that we are actually hoping for, a child being taken away from the only home they have ever known at Christmas time, you start to check yourself.
As badly as I want a child to call my own, I can't be selfish, I thought being a mother would teach me patience and selflessness but apparently I am learning this even before becoming a mother. My heart goes out for all those babies out there, who even though we think it's best for the child to be removed from their home because of certain situations, they are still being removed from the only home that they have ever known. THAT'S IT, that is ALL they have ever known.
I know that I will be able to give any child that comes into my house an amazing life where they will be loved more then I can even say, but I also know that it's going to be rough because they have to learn that they can trust me and create an entirely NEW bond with me.
I know God will give me the strength needed to deal with any situation that's coming my way, but just know that while you are with your families this Christmas season, my future child could be going through a really hard time right now, it breaks my heart just thinking about it. I prayer for him/her every night and I hope you could pray too! PRAYERS are so appreciated.