Ever wonder why God gave YOU something?
I do. All the time. I don’t question His timing and the calling He has placed on my life, BUT I always wonder why He gave ME infertility.
Was it because He thought I was strong enough?
Strong enough to deal with the emotional and physical roller coaster ride that is infertility. Strong enough to cry just during the nights and then wake up the next morning like nothing happened. Strong enough to not go into a deep depression every time a holiday passes and I see my family with their little children all smiles and hugs. Strong enough to hold on to a HOPE for almost 8 years.
Was it because He thought I was confident enough?
In who I am as a woman. Because everyone knows you’re not a “real” woman unless you have children and a family to call your own. Confident enough to NOT believe that. Confident enough to not break down every time I see someone else get pregnant.
Was it because He thought our marriage was secure enough?
Secure enough to live with the same person for 8 years and still know how to communicate and love each other through our emotional infertility ride. Secure enough to not get upset or blame each other for infertility but instead embrace it and walk forward one step at a time. God knew I needed a strong man to carry me through infertility and He blessed me with the perfect man.
Was it because He thought my family has more than enough faith?
After doing the ministry for years and years you see things that only God can do, and because of that our faith is stronger then ever. We don’t think God will come through, we KNOW He will.
I will never know the exact reason why God gave ME infertility. But I do know that while it’s the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life, I will take it and use it to help others. He gave me this story and while most would just get depressed about it, I will be forever grateful to carry this burden so that I know exactly what the woman next to me, who is going through the same thing, feels like. It makes it easy to share your story when you know it can help someone.
I do have hope and faith that God will one day bless me with a child, but while I am in this story of infertility I will share it with the world.